Guilt list

Gonna start a sort - liquid fast tomorrow from monday to friday. i just want to begin eating right and i like the idea of juice fasting for detox every now and then. i used to do it back in college on the weekends. i want to do this for five days for a nice system detox. i will have water, teas (including detox and cleansing teas i have), coffee, milk, orange juice. i will include whatever few fruit and veg that i have in my fridge. i will also blend something if it calls for that. we'l...

So I woke up today and for some reason I was one pound more. Wait, I didn't even binge late night yesterday!!! I absolutely have no patience. On top of that my savings are diminishing and I am on my way to becoming completely broke. I am FREAKING out. this is not fucking good, and i am headed for complete destruction right now. i have things to do today, and im already fucking EVERYthing up. I just want to scream, and cry, and scream, and cry, and scream, and break some shit.jfkdsjfd...

I'm having a bit of a problem - I'm wasting time internally fighting with myself. I wrote on my to-do list today to go grocery/toiletry shopping. Also I need to drop off an application at a store. I can't get myself to leave the house. I'm literally sitting here feeling shit about myself. I just feel awkward already, and I'm not even out of the house surrounded by people yet. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm not getting things done because I can't seem to get over this anxie...

well, i caved in. since i was all ready for bed and didn't want to go back out, i foraged in my kitchen and ate two of those thin whole wheat bagels with cream cheese and honey. i also had two activia yogurt cups, and a glass of milk. this goes to show you that i don't care what i eat; it's a compulsive act to just binge and stuff my face with something of sustenance with no care for quality or taste. i wasn't craving any of this stuff i just ate. but i ate it just to eat something. and n...

It's 10:19pm, well into my food-frenzy-freak-out time. As you can sense, I am freaking inside. I want so hard to go into the cupboard and fix something, ANYTHING to eat. This addiction is incredibly scary. It's like I physically need someone to lock the cabinets and slap my hands when I try to sneak binge food. I'm literally thinking of reasons to make it okay to eat something right now

Still feeling guilty from last night, I have that disgusting taste in my mouth from the horrible food I ate and tonight I stay in and have a cup of tea instead of six cheeseburgers. I'm feeling really pessimistic about my well being in the future.

After a fine day of normal food consumption, around 10pm I literally blacked out and drove to Wendy's and Mcdonald's drive-thrus. I am SO not proud of this, in fact I am extremely embarrassed. I ate two junior bacon cheeseburgers, two crispy chicken sandwiches, two cheeseburgers, 5-piece spicy chicken nuggets, large fries, and a large strawberry shake. Just writing all that down made me feel incredibly hopeless and full of humility. Why do I keep doing this to myself?