new start

so this is my first time doing anything like this, i'm kind of embarrassed that so many people can see it, but i guess it's more of a plain sighted fact that i am considered obese.

I started this journey of struggling with my weight a long time ago; i have always been chunky. my brothers, i have one older and one younger, are very thin.  I was tested for hypothyroidism as young as 14, of course that came out negative - for most of us things could never come out that easy - or as lucky.  around my college years i suddenly lost a lot of weight,  with testing we found my thyroid levels were all over the place, but nothing conclusive. Needless to say, some of the weight came back, then i got mono, was too tired to do anything but eat, so i gained more weight. Around that time i think i weighed about 175 lbs. 

Then i had a friend intoduce me to a drug called phentermine. I took that for appitite suppression, it worked really well, i lost about 18 pounds in a couple months (and in fact i am doing a three month round of it right now thanks to my doctor!).  Then i got married and within three weeks i found out i was pregnant.  during the first 3 months i gained about 10 lbs, so when i lost the baby at 12 weeks (it died around 5 or six weeks of life, then i started bleeding at 11 and miscarried at 12), i was about 175 lbs again.  I started a new job, was very very busy with that (logged 120 hours on my first paycheck) but proceeded to gain lots of weight. I don't think it totally dawned on me how my body was changing until months later, but pounds wise, i went from 175 to 200, and size wise a 12 to a 16.  that was all within 6 months.  In Feb. of  '07, i found out i was pregnant again, all went well with the pregnancy, in fact it was way too easy!!  I only gained 25lbs, so when i had my beautiful daughter i was 225, and only went down to 215 subsequently. That was in Nov. '07.

So here i am today, i weigh 211 lbs, and even though i really haven't lost much weight since I had my daughter, i'm back down to a size 16 (was an 18, up until this little bit of weight loss over the summer).  The only breakthough is,  and i am trying not to be excited about it until i get results, that i went to an endocronologist a couple days ago. She looked at all the lab work i have had done, and after giving her my history (basically what i have written here) and her asking some questions and doing an exam, she told me that it's not anything to with my thyroid at all.  She thinks i have a disease called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  It causes women to gain lots of weight, have acne, facial hair growth (gross!!), can cause miscarriages and is the leading cause of infertility in women- which is the main problem i'm dealing with now.  In a nut shell, it causes the ovaries to not release an egg, which spikes hormones (more male than female-thus acne and hair growth), and spikes your insulin. This increase in insulin makes a woman very very hungry, always hungry in fact, and she craves lots of sugars/carbs.  It starts a real viscious cycle because of course the more you crave the more you eat and that creates more insulin and more craving. 

I'm really hoping it comes out positive, not only so that i can lose some weight, but to get pregnant again, to get my skin back to normal, and most importantly, just to have the peace of knowing that it wasn't my fault.  I could tell people, my teasing brothers and my condescending parents and husband especially, that this is why i was heavy.  I wasn't lazy, it wasn't that i didn't have self control, or that i succomed to the "american diet" and ate out to much or didn't exercize hard enough, etc., etc., etc..  It really was what i have been saying for years...THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE WAY MY BODY WORKS!!!  Normal people do not just gain lots of weight, and suddenly get acne and have miscarriages and then not be able to get pregnant after having a child.  That just doesn't happen.

So i guess if you are reading this, you are interested in my story. I won't be tested until next month, but i will for sure post the results. All i ask is that you pray for me, that i stay diligent to trying to lose weight naturally, regardless of what the test results are.  i guess all in all, i'm just trying to be healthy and be a good example to my children so they will be healthy as well and continue in their lives to practice good habits. Most importantly, i just want to be around long enough to see them do it....