Trying to love myself

There is so much wrong with me when it comes to my weight issues, I don't even know where to start. I am 5'5" currently 143. I know that is a healthy weight, and I should be happy with that. However, my goal weight is 135 - I was there 3 months ago, and as soon as I hit it, I jumped back up to the 140s and I can't get back down. I feel like I have been working my butt off with no results. That, coupled with the fact that it is October really terrifies me. Every year I do the same thing - I work and work all spring and summer and I usually loose some weight - then the end of October hits and I put it all back on! With family gatherings and the holidays, I always let it get out of control. I worked too damn hard this year for that to happen again.

But here I am, 8 pounds over my goal weight and still crawling up as I hit the end of October. I thought I was doing so good. I keep my calories at 1100-1300 every day, save for one high calorie day a week (which I try to keep around 2000-2100 cals). I had to start using a different program for keeping up with my food. While I love the program this website offers, my other program offers a little more, and I likes its graphs better. I try to keep my food balance with 30% protein, 30% fat, and 40% carbs. I don't eat carbs at night, save for vegy carbs. I work out 5-6 days a week for at least 40 mins to an hour. I have a mixture of cardio and weights, thanks to the work out program offered by this website.

All this and the scale won't budge! I have so much coming up in my life that is food related, and I am so afraid that I am going to let it get the best of me and take over. And then I'll be right back at 155 before I know it, and have to go through the same damn fight next year. I'm sick of hating on myself like this, but as soon as I make myself comfortable with the size that I am, I balloon up. To top it all off, I have been doing this yo yo game for so long my husband is sick of hearing about it (and I can totally understand where he is coming from), and my friends are all condisending about it because they are all smaller than me, so I have no one to turn to to talk about it.