Getting to the best of me

49 F

the woman in the mirror ... more or less....

Friday, November 6, 2009 at 11:26 PM filed under Weight Loss postings
Well this is my first entry and hopefully not the last. I have suffered from Fibromyalgia for almost 10 years now. Thyroid issues for at least 6 that I know of and now i find out if that wasn't enough i may becoming insulin resistant and have POCS. I'm 34 years old, mother of a 3 year old and I still want to have another child. How did this happen???Was it the almost 2 years i was fed meds for asthma i didn't have? That accounts for about 25 lbs. Was it the the other meds i took to help lessen the pain i feel everyday for 9 1/2 years? That would be good 20 maybe. I gained 20 with my son lost it and gained it right back all within 3 years. I remember I was 150lbs when I was 15. I was 5'2 and thought i was fat. Got teased everyday in grade school and jr. high by a bunch of christian kids (thanks private school i couldn't have gotten that and not wasted my parents money) got teased a few times a week in H.S but at least I had friends and activities i participated in. When I met my ex husband I was 165-170 @ almost 18. By the time I left him I was was 230, suicidal, anxious ridden and unable to feel human contact without jumping out of my skin. A year later I was down around 180 and fell for my husband of 4 years. That was 10 years ago when I was 180. so if you add 180+25+20 that pretty much sums up my 227. Now after researching this mess i call a thyroid I wonder if my fibro is because of my thyroid and if i get it removed and take the thyroid pill if my pain will go away. That gives me such hope I can't even describe it. My husband doesn't like the idea of taking meds the rest of my life but taking a hormone pill is a heck of a lot bette then taking Cymbalta the rest of my life and have to go off of it for months and hope it doesn't cause birth defects in my future family members. sometimes i wonder if he likes me this way. I'm a slug. I feel gross and slimy inside and want so much to be something else. maybe this is my chance at redemption. my chance at a better life.

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