Old Me, New Me How about you?

I have been struggling with my weight for so long, ever since I was a child. I never had support from anyone and I was always the "UGLY DUCKLING" of the house. I went through a series of things in my life as a child and as an adult that has not helped with my self esteem. I used to be athletic when I was younger. Always on the go if you know what I mean. I did dance, softball, volleyball, swimming, surf'd, and a gymnast but no matter what I did or how I looked I was never skinny enough. I was put on diets after diet, my parents went as far as putting locks on the refridgerator and cuppord doors. Let me mind you at the time I was 5'7 and only 114 lbs. I was beautiful but always felt ugly, or not good enough. Well since that time and adventuring out on my own as an adult, I learned that food was my enemy!! However I couldn't stop eating it, or tasting it. Heck I couldn't keep it out of my mouth. I have had 2 children in between then and now! My second daughter which I gained 100lbs with while I was pregnant. Well I have NEVER been able to take it off. I have taken it off, but it just comes right back after something traggic happens in my life. Well I not only have never taken off that weight but I have gained another 30lbs to add right along with it. I almost feel like I am stuck in hell. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I have tried to do things that would make me feel better like color my hair, get my nails done, get my hair done, get some new clothes, but even after doing all that and spending all that money, it just made me somehow feel worse!! Not only did I spend the money that I really didn't have to do it, I just bought clothes that were 3 sizes bigger than I was, the last time bought something......... to continue.........