I gotta get there

42 F , warren ,MI

Going about it all wrong But cant stop now

Thursday, January 21, 2010 at 4:30 PM filed under Diet & Nutrition postings

I suffered from bulimia in high school when at 6 foot I weighed in at 125 lbs. I have had three kids since then and gotten control of that disorder.  I have become heavier and heavier as the years have gone on topping out just recently at 220.  At six foot that doesn't look to bad but I know I can look better. I'm heading to Florida in 14 days so for the last 7 weeks I have been on a strict diet. Trying to being my weight from 220 to 160 in only 9 weeks.. I know I set a goal that is almost unreachable but I was determined. I started working out everyday. I found myself eating less and less  until one night we ordered pizza. I totally lost control and ate 4 pieces. and cheese bread. (like I used to)  I was so disappointed with myself.  Without thought on my part my body kicked into bulimia mode again and I didn't make it stop. The weight started falling off and I keep telling myself that Its not that big of a deal.. In the 7 weeks since I started this unhealthy diet I have lost 25 pounds.  My pants are too big and fall off my bra is way to big. For the first time in years I can look into a mirror without cringing.  I know that this life style is so unhealthy and I shouldn't be doing it.I have however convinced myself that being over weight and depressed is a much worse fate. I hate having to lie to he people that love and support me. People that are so proud of the job that I'm doing loosing weight. I hate that I not only gave into this weakness but that I continue to do it and convince myself every time that its for the best.  I'm so ashamed of myself but I cant make it stop now. Not when its working so well for me. I just hope that I don't regret this decision. I never had any health problems with this life style but everyone says is really bad for you. I've never heard of any one having a side effect other then weight loss so how dangerous can it be really????

1 Comment (add) | Tags: bulimia, over weight mom, unhealthy diets
Last comment by amethystrse on 1/21/2010 6:16 PM

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