Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

39 F

Day 1, Week 1...Bored and Hungry

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 at 11:03 AM filed under Weight Loss postings
Today I begin an epic adventure.  Wait...haven't I been here before?  Haven't I been here a MILLION times before.  Starting a "diet".  But we aren't allowed to call it a "diet" anymore.  It's an "eating plan", it's a "way of life", it's "eating smart", "eating to live, not living to eat."  Let's call a spade a spade people,  for now, at this junction, when I am battling a carb AND sugar addiction, I am on A DIET!  Maybe down the line (if I make it that far) I can change my mind and consider it a way of life, an eating adventure...but for now I'm sticking to my guns on this one.
Wait...I'm not supposed to do that either,  assume that I may not make it.  I'm already making many cardinal mistakes.  All I know is I have started an "eating plan" MANY times in the past and all it got me was where I am today,  27 amd 300lbs.  It PAINS me to even type that out.  I sit here like a fellon, looking over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching me, no one must know how far gone I am...

I act like it's a secret. Like no one knows I'm fat.  realistically, I know how I look,  but I am still in blissful denial about how others see me.  I was walking through Walmart the other day and I walked past a mirror and was shocked at what I saw....there was a FAT girl looking back at me...staring at me....I figured if I stared her down, she would get uncomfortable and look away....well she didn't...she just kept on starin'.  What a rude bitch...doesn't she know it's not polite to stare at a fat person?!!  Damn she looked familiar...
It's hard to recognize myself anymore.

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