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First Blog ever! My Story :)

Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 2:52 PM filed under Weight Loss postings
Ok. So I have never blogged before and so I don't know if other people will be reading this or not... I will assume some one will look. Alrighty. So My name is Jessica, but most people call me Jessie. I am 18 years old and so ready to lose the weight I have been carrying around for my whole life.

I decided to name my blog "I.Am.Ready.♥" because when I was growing up my mom would always tell me that I would lose the weight when I was ready, and not before. Well I am ready. This time its not going to last a month and then I'll give up like the other times... I am on my 3rd month and I have no feelings of wanting to stop.

A little bit about me; I was one of the bigger kids. There were 2 who were a lot heavier than me but thats not the point. I was also the tallest. I was always a head taller than everyone else, and because of my size I stood out like a sore thumb. I am 6ft tall today and I am pretty sure I've stopped growing vertically, but up until about 9 months ago, I had continued to grow in diameter as well.

One day when I was in my senior year of high school, I decided to weigh myself. Prom would be coming up and I wanted to find a nice dress. I got on that scale and I thought that it was broken. It read 312 lbs!! I was so shocked I swore to myself I would change that number and I would never be fat again. So the next day I went out and bought food for myself that was low in calories, good for me and good tasting. I had a special shelf in the fridge just for me that no one could touch. This was about a month or two before prom I think. I started obsessively counting calories and I would restrict myself more and more.

This rather quickly turned into something I couldn't cotrol. I actualy stopped eating and Iwould hide my food and I would say I ate when I didn't. One day we went out of town. I had no choice of eating because my parents were there. We went for pizza and they were so proud of me because I got a salad. I felt so bad for eating it but had no choice. Then when we got home, I still had half of my salad left and I wolfed it down. I didn't taste it or anything, I was just so hungry. My parents werent home when this happened so I immediately ran to the bathroom and threw it up. It was so awful. I hate throwing up, I personally think its the worst feeling ever. But nevertheless, I did it probably a total of 5 or 6 more times. From starving myself I got down to 178 I think. Just in time for prom, I was so happy. But I hit a plateau and got discouraged and quit what I was doing. Which was the best thing I could have done. I gostayed at 180 and despised myself for it but didn't start exercising or eating properly, like my mom said, I just wasn't ready yet.

I wasn't ready to let the junkfood or the burgers or all that crap food go. I wasn't motivated and I didn't do anything to change it. Then in july, after I graduated we moved to BC. I had been accepted into college and it was exciting, sad because my dad stayed behingd, but this was a new adventure. When we got here though, we didnt have much food and so a lot of what we ate was fast food and my mom bought junk food and it was really bad. I weighted myself about 2 months after we moved and I was back up to 297! I was so disgusted. I started exercising and watching my calories, but not too closely because I didn't want to become obsessive again. I ate lots of apples and I was eating better, but then in September my birthday rolled around. My mom was making my special birthday cake and I couldnt resist. My mom said she would help me get back into the swing of eating right afterwards but she didn't and I totally spiralled. I had gotten down to 180 again but after Christmas I was back to 295. That yo yo was no fun. January 6th I became a vegan after watching "meet your meat" on youtube. I gave it all up right then and there. no one took me seriously but that was okay because it was for me not anyone else. My family has gotten used to it and I love it. When all you eat is healthy food, that is what you crave!! Its amazing. I feel so much better physically and mentally. When I was in highschool, mostly in grade 12 and I think my weight had something to do with it. I was severely depressed. I was put on medication and everything... But now I am not on it. I wasn't even weened off of it, I just quit taking it and I feel great. I got down to 273 the healthy way, but am currently at 278 because of a recent trip home that had me eating snacks a lot. I am so proud of myself and I am ready!. i am ready to get this weight off for good. As soon as I get a job I will be getting a gym membership! I am sooo ex cited its beyond ridiculous lol. 

I realize now that strving myself was very illogical and stupid and that just made losing weight harder because your metabolism slows down. I know it was bad and I have not done any of those things since. I am healthy, well getting healthy but I eat healthy.  

I have started my journey and I am excied to find out were it will take me.

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