Wendy's Journey from Obese to Fit!

I was not ready or able to begin making healthy changes in my life until I started to understand how my thinking was effecting my behavior, my attitude and my choices.  What do you believe about yourself, your abilities, your future, your limitations?  These beliefs create your reality.  Even if you have a belief that is incorrect, that belief will still determine your behavior... probably in ways that are unhealthy.  The process of discovering what you really believe may not be easy.  Many of our beliefs are subconscious, developed over our lifetimes because of our experiences.

When my mother died I began a grieving process that was inevitably one of the healthiest experiences of my life.  Nine months after her death I began to emerge from the depression with new insight into myself and a desire to start making changes.  All of the credit is due to Jesus Christ.  My relationship with Him sustained me and challenged me through the entire process and continues to.

Here are just 3 of the beliefs that I had to confess to (and be truly honest with myself about them) so that I could be free to make effective changes in my behavior...
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UNHEALTHY BELIEF:  Everyone around me is dying... I am losing everyone.  Death for me is imminent too.
SOURCE:  Grief & depression from the losses of my family members overwhelmed me with a subconscious dread and a nagging feeling of futility.
DISCOVERY:  Allowing all the stages of the grieving process to complete gave me insight into this.
WHAT GOD SAYS:  My life is in His hands.  Only He knows the measure of my days.  He gives me his power and protection daily.  I need to give Him my best everyday.
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UNHEALTHY BELIEF:  I believe being fat is safe.  I am safe from unwanted male attention/abuse if I shield myself behind layers of body fat.
SOURCE:  Experienced sexual abuse as a child; assault as a college student; plus other life experiences.
DISCOVERY:  While listening to the testimony of Mandisa at a Women of Faith event.  I was stirred in my soul with the realization that some of the issues she was sharing were mine as well.
WHAT GOD SAYS:  The LORD is my protection and shield.  Placing any other thing into God's role is idolatry.  (I was making my body or body "shape" my god by relying on it for protection)
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UNHEALTHY BELIEF:  I don't have the willpower or the desire to stick to any healthy changes for very long.  Plus I am way too far gone.  Even if I loose 50 pounds, I'll still be obese!
SOURCE:  Seeing others try and fail.  Laziness.  Fear of failure.
DISCOVERY:  I believed this consciously and would even say it out loud as well and in my "self talk."  The discovery was more in realizing what God thinks of this attitude.
WHAT GOD SAYS:  The fruit of the Spirit is love:  joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.  If the Spirit of God is living in me, then I have access to all these qualities everyday and at every meal :)  Through Christ is the self-control to handle food cravings.  Through Christ is the faithfulness to keep up with an exercise regimine.  Through Christ is the patience to persist (with joy) through the slow process... even it takes months or years!
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I had and I am sure that I still have many more unhealthy and untrue beliefs.  Discovering them and learning how to free myself from them is an ongoing process.

Even as I was becoming aware of and dealing with these issues of the mind, God was starting to provide me with tools that I have used to help me to begin to reach my goals.  That is the subject of my next entry :)