Spirit-Powered Weight Loss

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Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 1:27 PM filed under Weight Loss postings
Hi, Understanding Friends,

     When I married at 18, (see the photo) I was an ample but very shapely 121 lbs. GREAT in a bikini!!  Worked out, in fact, TAUGHT an exercise class.  Yet I married a rather controlling, verbally abusive perfectionist.  So I learned that as nice as my figure was, it just wasn't "perfect" enough.  So I began comforting myself with food in the long hours I was alone.  And you know the rest of the story.  Five kids and lots of "why don't you lose that weight?  Just stop eating!!"  (This from a heavy weight lifter whose metabolism ran so high he almost INHALED  food every few hours!)  
     And since then, I've lost more weight than I weigh now. Yet because I'm so persistent--I FOUND it!!  And yes, humor is how I deal with pretty much everything.  That weight has fallen off and climbed back on my hips so many times I think it's made of rubber--just BOUNCES back on!! 
     First time, I weighed 172, and went back to 126.  Looked FANTASTIC, back to bikini's!!  And I was a 32 yr old mother of 5 (1+2 sets of twins).  But it just wasn't what he wanted.  In fact, he actually bought me a 3 lb. box of CHOCOLATES for Mother's Day!!  Possibily an insecure man?  Preferred to keep me fat and unwanted by anyone else?
     Next time I was 49 years old, divorced, (figures, huh) 212 lbs., and got mad at my bloated reflection in a store window--and lost 64 lbs.  And looked darn good for a "mature" divorcee!  Eventually met a fantastic, appreciate, non-judgmental man, and married him.  In an instant!! Six short years of happiness.  More than you can imagine.
     Life stepped in then, and my new husband (an amazing man, totally supportive, unconditional love--but that's another story) discovered he had Stage 4 cancer--and was gone from my life in less than 3 months.  My heart stopped beating, or so it seemed.  Life wasn't going anymore, it was just stuck on Pause.  It didn't matter to me what I ate, where I went, who I met, for the longest time.  And my old evil friend (aka Doritos, dip, soda, pizza, etc.) sneaked back into the kitchen and reacquainted me with pounds and pounds of false comfort.  So the scale climbed again.
     After much prayer, journaling, getting laid off (what timing), totalling my  Mustang, experiencing a burglary in my  new little duplex, my mother's lingering illness and death...I read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren.  And the first 4 words were the most important ones that I've heard in years.  
Chapter 1 begins:   IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.    That got my focus off my stomach and sad, sad story and onto Him and what He had planned for me.  
     Eventually He led me to another wise and wonderful, appreciative, accommodating man.  Yet with 16 moves around the country in 4 years, my old friend sneaked back into the house.  Because I was always in a new place and didn't know many people, I used THAT as my excuse to allow him/it in. (Is an addiction a him, a her, an it?) 
     And 2 years ago, the last time I lost weight it was from fear; I was scheduled for knee surgery and KNEW it would be so much easier to recover with less weight to drag around.  So I started weight watchers and walking 2-3 days with a new friend who wouldn't take "no" for an answer!!  And it was great.  I went from 256 to 221 in 3 months.  And KEPT it off, until I was scheduled for a biopsy that left me "butchered," in my mind (I'm sure it's not NEARLY as bad as what hundreds of others have endured).  It was just so SHOCKING, so UNEXPECTED.  I had a biopsy when I was 18, and all I ended up with was a tiny line of stitches along the edge of ..never mind.  Let's just say it was totally unobtrusive.
     Now?  Hardly. I'm disfigured.  And yes, I've gotten past all that, mostly. God is good, and time heals......all but THIS loss of breast!! 
     But anyway, it was such a real soul-jarring shock at the time, that I turned back to my old sabotaging best friend--FOOD.  You'd think that after all these repetitions of hurting me, making me miserable, ruining so many opportunities for me, making me MISERABLE, that I'd learn and REFUSE to let him back in.
    Sad to say it's been one long 2 year illicit affair, chips here, dip there, candy everywhere.....it's a wonder we never "fell out" with each other.  I HATE it, but it's just a very alluring, invasive and COMFORTABLE partner.  The only thing is, it's a JEALOUS and INSATIABLE partner.  It wants me to pay attention, to the exclusion of all other things.  And it's never ENOUGH.  One chip = one BAG of chips!!

     So.  Today.  I've become sick of this abusive, "battered" relationship.  No longer will I stay home, hide out, spend all these sequestered hours with my illicit friend.  I'm going to concentrate on staying active.  I don't know that I can be "athletic".  But to walk around the BLOCK, to me, would be an athletic feat.  So.........today is DAY ONE.
     I have many helps now. I've finally fallen in love, absolutely in LOVE with the Scriptures.  And I think, as a result (or a by-product) of that, I feel totally the leading of the Holy Spirit to change my focus and get it off of medicating my mouth with food.  I just know that this is the time to do this.
     And this software is great; it lists just what I need to track, and makes it easy to do so.  
     I believe, as I'm a "writer" at heart, that this blog is probably the most valuable tool of all.  I can scream and whine and complain, and seek encouragement--and hopefully somewhere along the way encourage someone else.  With the help of the Spirit, my own determined will, this software, and all of you fellow Seekers out there, I know.  I absolutely KNOW that this time I will be successful.
     It occurred to me today that I'm not looking for some elusive unknown source of energy that I may never find...I'm looking for that winsome, wonderful woman who is inside this insulating layer of fat and false comfort.  I know she's there; I know she's strong; and I know she's totally capable of doing all that she sets out to do.
     Thanks for reading my long-winded diatribes.  I hope you gleaned some empathy, some encouragement from reading.  And I hope you're with me on this tough but HUGELY  rewarding journey!!  Come along!! 
     Till next time, God bless you...as I always tell my kids, 
'always remember Whose you are'.


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