I Never Wanted To Be A Fat Mom

I always told my self that when I got older and had kids I was going to be one of those moms that my sons friends would blush at and my daughter would be proud of me. Well Here I am 21 years old and 100 lbs over weight. I feel terrible all the time about myself. My weight was always on issue for me, when I was in the 5th grade I noticed I was a little chunkier then the other girls in my class but my mom would tell me its just baby fat. Yeah, Thats what moms do! lol So I started seeing that boys liked the skinnier girls so in 7th grade I started athletics and really worked hard and got into shape. I was about 5'1 and weighed about 115. Then througout 8th grade I stayed avg. But when high school came & I stopped sports and had my first long term bf YIKES!! The weight poured on. Each year I gained about 10 lbs. When I graduated in 2006 I weighed about 150 & was a size 13/15. My bf of 3 yrs broke up with me and I eventually moved out of my mothers and in with a new bf. We were happy and eating great 3 full meals no junk really. I started to feel great I was still about 145 but every thing fell in to place. I wore a size 13 very comfortable.My tummy was flat my boobs and butt were great and then I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Need I say more, well since then I got dicorced had another child and started a new relationship that I have know been in for about 2 yrs. Sometimes I think what I would'nt give to be 150 again. I remember when I thought that was terrible. I see people I knew forever and they don't even recognize me. It's feels terrible. I set a pretty high goal for myself but I feel like this online thing with people there to pat me on the back will really help the process. It's so bad my bf doesnt even know my weight. I'm so ashamed. I will include a picture from my skinny days to show the difference