Overcoming Obstacles

28 F

Its Going to Happen This Time

Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 8:36 PM filed under Diet & Nutrition postings
Hi. My name is Kelsie and I am 20 years old. I am starting this blog in hopes to overcome my ongoing eating disorder. My disorder started two years ago when i went away to college. I decided that i needed to lose a little weight. I was 5'6" and 130 pounds, so not overweight by any means. I was also very active, playing sports and running. I started counting calories and slowly began to lose weight. However, I decided that I wasn't losing quickly enough, so i cut my calories even more and increased my exercise. When I came home for Christmas, I was down to 110 pounds. I guess you could say I was happy with my weight, but i was terrified to gain it back. I got anxious if I missed a workout and if I was forced to eat a food that was deemed "unsafe". I kept losing, secretly pleased that my weight was dropping so low. Even though my friends and family expressed their concern, I was certain that there was nothing wrong. By the time summer came around, I was down to a mere 90 pounds.
That's when the binging began. At first, the binges were very minimal. I'd eat well all day, then have a poptart, chips, and some chocolate after my family went to bed. Because they were so minimal, I stopped losing weight and was able to maintain. When I went back to college for the fall semester of my sophomore year, things got really out of control. I would sit in my room and eat all day. Everything I could get my hands on until I passed out from eating so much. The next day I would feel so guilty that I'd spend about four hours in the gym and wouldn't eat a thing all day. This started to become and endless cycle of binging one day and starving the next. The binges have gotten much more frequent. I'll binge for four or five days straight and only be able to eat normally for a day or two. Obviously, I have gained a lot of weight. I am almost back to the weight I was before I went away to school. I am extremely unhappy about that, but at this point I am more concerned that my health is in jeopardy. I won't wear anything but sweats because I am so embarassed about the weight I have gained. I can't tell you the amount of times I have told myself that I am going to start over tomorrow and never binge again. This time, I hope its true. I hope that there are people out there that are suffering from the same thing that I am. I hope that with your support I will be able to overcome this and be happy. I'm tired of constantly worrying about food. That shouldn't be the most important thing in my life, and right now it controls everything I do. My friendships are shot. I haven't had a boyfriend in a very long time. I just want my life back. Please. Help me get my life back.

There's never a better time to start than right now.

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