88.5kg down to 55kg

37 F

I feel soooo "depressed"

Monday, January 18, 2010 at 4:40 AM filed under Weight Loss postings
I have to write this somewhere, so why not here.... 1. I really don´t like my looks, my body is so out of shape and every time I look in the mirror it reminds me of how elephant-like I look. I will never get the supermodel body that I want so bad... I´ve got strech marks, my boobs are un-even and I´ve got tons of cellulite. If I loose the weight that I wan´t to loose (witch I will) I will be thin with extra skin (because of my pregnancy) strech marks, no boobs (since they are disappearing with the weight loss) and cellulite. I´m so sad about that in this life we only get one body... why did I get this one? It was okay when I was little but when I got to my teens I started to get cellulite and strech marks on my hips (I wasn´t even fat!!!!). 2. When I feel like this, I do most of the time, I think about my fiancé, and how he may not always love me (how can he love me if I don´t). We´ve been together since I was 17 years old and he was 18, we lost our virginity together and we´ve never been with other people. He sometimes, like myself, feels like he´s missing out on something. Maybe there is something better out there for him, or I know there is something better out there for him.... but not for me. And for those reasons I can´t stop thinking that if we would ever break up, I would end up single mom, alone, fat and ugly for the rest of my life and he would have this beautiful grilfriend or even a wife. 3. I have no friends.... no friends at all. I thought that I had friends but obviously I don´t. My day is always the same: wake up, dress daughter, walk daughter to kindergarden, eat breakfast, gym, study, pick daughter up from kindergarden, feed daughter, play with daughter, cook dinner, fiancé comes home to dinner, fiancé stays home or goes out to gym, hunting or riding bike... and then there is bed time. I´ve even stopped getting phone calls from my friends..... I always phoned my friends and then around last christmas I felt like I was the only person trying to hold on to these friendships so I decited to stop calling for a while! Guess what I haven´t talked to anybody since before christmas. The bottom line is I feel alone, fat, ugly and I guess really would like to go to sleep and never wake up again... but I would never do that because it´s kind of selfish and I would´nt do that to my daughter.
1 Comment (add)
Last comment by 2RedNeck4U on 1/18/2010 5:46 AM

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