My Life, My Way

My name is Bella North. I'm 23 and I live in the mid west. I have two young children, both under two. I was always heavy as a child. I'm 5'3 and weighted over 185 pounds all through high school. I took on some unhealthy habits and right before I got pregnant, I was down to almost 95. Right now I'm at 132lbs which is fine, but when I was in the process of getting too skinny, I hit that zone that was right around 110 to 115lbs and i loved every minute of it. I felt the best I've ever had. I know that I cannot go back to the way I lost weight before. Now I have to do this the right way: watching what I eat and exercising. Now as many know, this is easier said than done. I always think really hard about changing but then I don't. My current relationship is in a rut. There really is no romancing with a job that keeps my boyfriend and I working almost 80 hours a week a piece and raising a one year old and a two year old. If we even fall asleep in bed together its a miracle. I have no confidence in myself. I know that I'm a great employee and I know I'm a good mom, but I have no confidence in the way I look. I just want to skip the hard part and look and feel good again. Skip the middle crap. But save me all the comments, I know thats not the way to do it. So this is how I've started. I am now using recipes that are more veggie and , well proportioned at right around 350 calories per serving. My family is behind me. My boyfriend doesn't complained when I try to make something healthy and it tastes like crap and my kids like most of the food. I'm not a breakfast eater, I'm a folders in my cup kind of girl. I drink almost only mountain dew and I know I need to drink water. I just need a swift kick in the ass to get up off my couch and make the COMPLETE change. Maybe writing all of this out will help. Oh and I got a kettle ball and did about 50 reps of that but then stopped. I defiantly feel it and I know I need to ease myself into it. Logging off for the night. Trying to go to sleep instead of having a late night snack like normal.