Its time to do it .

Here I sit at the desk at almost 7:00 am. I have worked all night and can feel my body ach and hurt from all the weigh I carry around when i do patrol. It has hit me in the last few months how big I really am. I am almost 300 pounds. Just right around 290 I am only 38 smoke and over weight. My weight limits me from living the life I want to . I shelter myself from the rest of the world. Due to I have never faced the issue. I am over weight and When I use to look in the mirror. I never seen what every one else saw. I have pushed trying to lose weight off. Due to every time I diet. I never get any results. The Doctor . Wants me to have gastric bypass . I am scared To let some one go in and take a part of my stomach. What happens if some thing goes terribly wrong. And then my children go with out a parent . The only one they have. Or do I make the choice to get off my tail and go and do some thing for myself. I have always put every one else before me . And always left my feelings and health on the back burner. I want to be thinner. And not smoke. I want to feel life like every one else . That does not have to worry about a weight issue. I want to walk in to a shop and pick some thing off the rack and not have to pay more for it because they had to use more fabric. And the most angry feeling is when your walking and some one looks at you like oh she is nasty. They dont walk in my shoes. I am not nasty because I have weight I am human just like the rest of the people in the world. So this is the time . Get off your tail and do some thing about it . instead of waiting and thinking it is going to go away by itself. BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to have faith in your self before any one and have faith in you . So learn to trust yourself . And to love your self. Dont be your worst enemi.