Fat Won't Protect You

Where do you begin when your lifetime has been about hiding yourself behind layers of fat? Where do you begin when your lifetime has been about beating yourself down? Where do you begin when your lifetime has been about feeding your soul in anyway you can to try to make things better? I guess at the beginning! My earliest memory about weight is being a healthy energetic 5 year old getting ready to start tennis lessons, trying on a tennis dress that was too small and hearing my mom say to the sales lady, "She is so chubby we are starting a diet tomorrow". I was so embarrassed. I looked down at my little body and I was immediately ashamed. And so it began. My weight problem. Never mind that my mother, a pediatrician, yes, really, had some warped view of me. I now had it too! From that day until this day, I can't remember a time when I didn't feel ashamed of my body. Funny thing, is when I look back at photos of me at 5 years old playing tennis, I look like a healthy, average 5-year old. So the years progressed and I gave in to my label as chubby. I mean as a child you have no control over your food, or back then, did you even know what was good for you or not? Anyway, as you can imagine, I arrived at high school graduation, 5'3'' and 177 lbs. Let me tell you how disappointing that was to my mother!! There is more, almost tragically more, but I will save you and myself from that until another day. However, today, is the day at 44 years old, my life surrounding my weight will change forever. That is my truth.