i have strggled with weight all my life. i am 22 years old. when i was born i was chunky about 10 pounds six and a half ounces. but i was tall at 23 and a QUARTER inches long. then as i grew i lost weight and up until i was eight yeard old i was skinny as a TWIG,. then i didnt gpo outside aas much or do much but eat . i grew bigger and bigger. when i was twelve i was sent to a summer day camp. and i went from fat to super skinny. . then i moved from new york to north caorlina. i didnt know anyone so i mainly stayed in and i maintained skinny, biut i got a little chubby. then i spent the summer in new york with my dad and i blew up. i was still small, but not the size i should have been i went from 136 from when i was twelve to over 160 pounds when i was thirteen so over a year i blew up.. then the last time i weighed in the 100's was in eight grade when i weighed 190 . growing up school was hell i was constantly made fun of my weight and height. especially when i hit highschool. i rember going to the lunch room i would here boys go hey yo fat girl, come eat with me. go on and eat some more you will just become fat. girls and guys both laughed at me. so i kept eating and eating. i became what was known as a closet eater, i was never fully diagnosed by a doctor but my entire family said that is what i did. i rgot to the point that i rather eat by myself then to eat in front of people because someone always said something like . do you know how much sodium in what your eating. do you know how much sugar is in that soda. 1 glass of soda is equilvent to 1 meal. and i have heard much worse. in 7th grade i went on a ski trip with my churhc and i was pertified of skiing so i kept falling, and my preacher was trying to help me ski but i was to sccared. she was like you really need to lay off the cookies, thats why your having trouble. no i am not making that up, it really happened. i gave up kicked my ski's off and walked down the slope crying. my cousin is a very obese person. and all i heard from the time i was 13 is your gonna end up like your cousin if you dont stopo eating as much as you do and exercise. . a lot of this critisimn came from my uncle who is her dad. he used to tell my mom all the time. tell her if she looses the weight i will put 500 into buying her a new wardrobe. he was always on myc case about what i ate,. and so was everyone else including my mom. i rember i was wathcing a cinderella story with hilary duff and i was like mom i want that dress for when i go to rprom in a few years. she was like you would have to be very skinny in order to fit that. yeah thanks mom i really apreciated that one., this is just part of why i would eat by myself in my room. i used to be messy and would leave dishes in my room. im sick of everyone being on my case. why cant they be supportive rather than breaking me down. i would love to be skinny again, but between people bringing me down and my mind tellling me of your fat, and the public and celerrities with you have to look perfect. it drags me down. sometimes what i usally do is i will make a bunch of food, because i think omg i am hingry i need a lot of food. so i will make all this food then i will sit down i will began to eat and imediately loose my appetite. because all thos negative thoughts flow through my head. and or i just get full after a couple of literal tiny bites. but then i feel like i got to eat this so i will force it down until its all gone. sometimes i wonder if i have an eating disorder. but i really dont know. i still to this day hate eating in front of people and when i eat i constantly think negative thoughts. i dont throw my food up or anyhring serious like that. but i really feel like how i eat is some type of eating disorder. today i weighed myself i weigh 285.6 i was 270 my senior year in highschool which was back in 2009. so i really need to loose weught for myself and my health. but also so that i can meet someone. because all men just want skinny girls and or just sex. and its frustrating because i have never had a boyfriend. my goal weight is between 170 and 180 but if i weigh less then that i will be very happy. i am 6ft by the way in height.
