This is just a blog that I wrote years ago during my bulimic days.
Well I started puking on a daily basis. Only problem was that I could never get it all up. As we all know when you starve your body and then eat your body decides to take everything you eat and store it as fat. So I started gaining weight...and fast! So I went and did the smart thing and got some diet pills to control my appetite. Dexatrim was my savior! Too bad my body worked up a resilience and I had to take more and more to feel the effects. Oh what wonderful effects they were too. Endless energy, weight loss and a feeling of empowerment. The good effects hid the bad effects of shortness of breath, rapid heart beating, chest pains and moodiness. Either that or I just didn't care. Who knows.
Well the happiness all ended when the resilience made it so I had to take 8 a day to even feel anything. I must admit that 8 a day is a few too many and after 3 days if that many I dropped. I was walking from one class to another with some friends and I had a spasm of energy and ran around like a maniac. Then all of a sudden it felt like a donkey kicked me in the chest and BAM! I hit the floor. I couldn't breathe. I felt like my heart was about to explode. I tried to get up but I couldn't. Something was holding me down. Maybe it was the elephant on my chest, maybe not, but I felt like I was dying.
I saw the fear in my friends eyes and it made me realize something was terribly wrong. Then I saw everything slowly disappear. When I cam too, or so I thought, I saw a bunch of doctors and nurses. Really short doctors and nurses all scattering around someone. I tried to get closer to see what was going on but I couldn't move. I was stuck. I was stuck and tall. Wait..."why am I so tall all of a sudden?"
I wasn't tall...I was floating. I was up in the corner near the ceiling. "Why am I floating?" "Why am I stuck?" "What's going on?" Then someone moved and I saw what was going on. I saw someone on the bed. It was me.
I had a heart attack and was dead for 3 minutes. Just as soon as I realized I was watching myself it all went black. Maybe from fear but I think that is when I went back into my body. I heard the doctors talking to my parents, machines beeping and my heart beating. God the pain was unbearable. They shocked me back to life, but all I could think about was how much I just wanted to die.
