I hate my body at this point. I've steadily been gaining weight since my failed pregnancy last spring. I try and keep failing but I know its because I'm not trying hard enough. I lost 70 pounds or so around the age of 13-14 after years of bullying and torment and then suffered with eating disorders. I starved myself to lose weight to the point where I was eating 600 calories a day, and working out 1-2 hours every night. I became way too thin so I began to try to put on weight. I still wanted to be as skinny as I could be so I sabotaged myself anyway I could, through starvation, purging, overexercising. I did NOT want to gain those extra pounds. Well I'm back at the starting block where I was 4-5 years ago, except this time I'm taller and don't have immature peers to make me feel less about myself, so I'm finally ready.
I'm a college student and am beginning an exercise regimine with my two room mates, we all want to lose weight and tone up so having them with me makes this easier. One of them recently had a weight loss surgery so she can't work out as long or as much as I would like to in order to see results, so I'm going to have to work around that, Otherwise, I'm totally ready to become comfortable with my body. Today was the precursor to my plan, although I've been eating healthier recently, and I started working out again today. It's a small step, but to me its a big one because working out, and getting back on that horse will be the hardest part for me. To be honest though, I actually loved hitting the gym again!
I don't want to be unhealthily thin, nor do I want to feel disgusting in my own skin... I want to be healthy, toned, and happy with the way I look in the mirror. I never want to cringe when I look in the mirror again; I never want to pick stupid arguments with my boyfriend over my weight and my appearance. I just want to be happy being me.
