Most of my life, I've boasted about how lucky I was not to have the desire to consume or use anything "addictive". I had almost NO desire to try/smoke cigarettes. I did try it once in middle school and DESPISED it; same with Chewing Tobacco.
Also, through college, I didn't have much desire to drink either. I had a softball scholarship to a Division 1 college and didn't have the energy to drink and play softball at the same time. The only times I drank were when my self-loathing was reaching another high, and I would get drunk to temporarily relieve my anxiety/depression...but even then, I was by no means addicted; I just wasn't dealing with my problems correctly.
These days, alcohol is still somewhat of an issue, but I don't feel that it's negatively impacting my life as it used to in college.
Recently, I've considered the possibility of an addition I never would have considered in the past. I've always wondered, "Why do I feel like I simply can't say no to a McDonalds Big Mac?"...."Why do I feel sick after eating certain foods and continue to eat them over and over?"... "Why do I eat when I'm not hungry?".
The more I research about food and people, the more convinced I am that I am very much addicted to food. When I want a drink because I'm stressed, I now say "no" to the drink, and replace it with food....bad food...and lots of it.
I have been lucky enough not to have substantial weight or health problems, but they are enough that it's affecting my self-esteem and keeping me in the vicious cycle of emotional-eating.
In the past, I have attempted many changes in my diet, and good changes; not "diets". I have read about how addictive and detrimental Wheat is to your health, so I have greatly reduced my intake (though I fall back into that trap when I'm feeling low or stressed). I have also reduced my intake of processed sugars & beverage calories (I try to stick with water, tea with Stevia & veggie-based meal replacement shakes). Each time, I was only successful for a short period of time because once I started feeling stressed, bored or down, I would stop "caring" about eating healthy and would instead settle for the immediate gratification I feel when I eat those terrible foods, even though I would be sick and frustrated afterwards.
I really want to embarq on another lifestyle change for food, and I believe that my past failed attempts are because I did not realize and accept that it may be more than self-control...I may be addicted.
Therefore, I am looking forward to more stringent steps (therapy, meditation, self-hypnosis, etc...). Anyone who is anyone knows how difficult it is to break an addiction, especially when that addiction is centered around something that your body "needs", in this case: Food. This makes it a more dangerous addiction because we naturally justify that we need food to survive. Problem is, certain foods counter that idea; certain foods are deteriorating our health while keeping us addicted.
I am so sick of feeling out of control with eating...so tired of it being the most important thing...so tired of being unhappy with my body and health. Time to take more serious measures; I just really hope I can stay on track this time.
